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Re: [Fandfs] short visit



Thanks very much, Greg, for coming up with the kinds of details that help us feel present at what you describe. I see CW about every two weeks, and have learned to keep an open mind as I approach the door. Only once has she not recognized me, and that felt dreadful, so the next time I leaned down and said, "Hi, landlady, it's Penelope," and she said with a near scoff, "I know who you are!" Although I'm very glad that Cynthia is sharing her final process with all and sundry, and as always love simply being in the room with her, I miss her voice ringing throughout the kitchen and living room as it did all my life till last December.


On Sat, Oct 23, 2010 at 7:29 AM, Greg Minshall <minshall@umich.edu> wrote:
hi.  Nasrin and i visited the Highlands last weekend, and i thought the
people further away might like a brief glimpse.

in general, Cynthia seemed much better, which really means, much less
anxious, than when we had been there a few weeks before.  physically,
she seems more tired, and was in the bedroom most of the time.  i
understand from Molly part of that is the different temperaments of the
weekend day time care giver (Anna) and the weekday day time care giver
(Chacha).

on Sunday morning, we got into a discussion about the anxiety caused by
her not being able to separate fantasy from reality.  especially when
the fantasy is scary (and she has lots of scary fantasies, dreams,
whatever).

she was in bed most of the time i was there, and Sunday morning had her
eyes closed while we talked.  a number of times she said, "Oh, Greg, if
only i could see you again...".  i said, "Cynthia, open your eyes -- hi,
Cynthia!", and she would say, "that's amazing!".

on Monday she was in the living room.  i'm not sure what we were talking
about (i should have written this e-mail earlier), but she said, "you
know, i don't think i know how to die."  she was a little worried about
that.  *i* thought she meant the logistics, but Honey, who i think
realized what Cynthia was asking, assured her that she didn't need to
worry about that, dying would take care of itself, she could just relax
and let what happened happen.  (well, some of that is my
after-reflection of what we should have said.)

over the two days, we talked about chickens, dogs, paintings, etc.  all
in short spurts.

since most people will wonder, not having the chance to be with Cynthia,
*i* have *no* idea how long she will live.  when we were there last
time, it felt like the end was very near.  now, i don't know.  but, i
think she is more content than last time, though that may only be
because we were there during a good time in her cycle.

hopefully, though, she is starting to let go, and relax.  hopefully.

her care givers remain great.  and, Molly, Honey, et al., are all, well,
hanging in there.

best from Ann Arbor, Greg
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