September 22, 2010
Dear Friends and Family,
In San Francisco, staying with Mary Weingarden and Geoff Hoyle while
holding vigil for Sarah and her surgery.
And writing now about Cynthia,
a long overdue update to our family and friends.
Sometimes when Cynthia was having a hard time going to sleep, or if she
was feeling worried, we would think of an enjoyable topic and begin to
talk about that, leaving behind the worries and woes. One of the most
engaging topics was plans for her 95 birthday party. These conversations
began sometime in June, and time has passed by with much talk but nary a
birthday plan set into motion.
Cynthia and I came up with the idea of a brunch weekend, with people
coming Saturday or Sunday to make for a smaller crowd. But while the idea of a
Reunion of the Carmel Institute (as seen at the 90th birthday party) is very
attractive, the truth is, throwing a proper 95th Birthday Party requires far
more strength than we have actually .
Both Molly and Honey have been so distracted this year, what with Mothers
and Daughters and the bad economy etc. that it has been next to impossible
to focus on "work". We have experienced loosing large things that fell
through the cracks. We have surrendered to the realization that there are
just a lot of things that are just not going to get done.
I digress.
Back to the birthday party.
At Molly's suggestion we have decided on a "Virtual Birthday Party," and
we invite all of you to come to the Virtual Birthday Party, by making a
short video and sending it to us, a videos with each of you saying Happy Birthday
to Cynthia and expressing whatever thoughts or feeling you wish to share with her.
Or a group of people may want to make a video together, etc. It is a creative
group, and hopefully we will get many video which we can then put together
and show to Cynthia, who can then watch them over and over, as many times
as she wants to look at them.
Please say your names clearly at the beginning of the video clip, so she can
put the name with the person and get a jump start on triggering her memories
of each of you. And please make the video at least fifteen seconds long to allow for
the triggering mentioned above (and please don't make them too long). We
will show the videos to Cynthia at a small family gathering on her
birthday, November 1. So, send her your thoughts and prayers, recite her a
poem, sing her a song. Send her your love.
If there is anyone one out there who has experience working with video
clips and who would be willing to spend a little time on this project,
please call: Tom Davies 831 625-3607, or e-mail tom@tomdavies.com.
You can also get in touch with Tom is you need help making your video.
Of course, if you are not up to making a video you could e-mail a birthday
message to Cynthia in care of Molly or Honey. You could e-mail her photos,
appropriate poems etc. And old fashioned birthday cards or letters are also
welcome, and we will integrate them into the final birthday video.
So that is the Birthday Party Plan.
If you have any questions or suggestions, please contact:
Honey Williams 831 624-8401 honey@honeywilliams.com
or
Molly Williams 831 624-7119 molly@tomdavies.com
And Cynthia's current state?
With time she becomes more and more frail, her strength diminished. She is
more confused more of the time, but can also be remarkably lucid, even
profound. She still loves to look out ofthe window at the view and enjoys
a ride in the car. She is not in any real pain. Cha-Cha, Anna and Eustacia
are the world's best Caregivers, all of them mellow, cheerful with hearts full
of love. They spend their hours sitting right beside Cynthia, totally focused
on Cynthia. Cha Cha fixes Cynthia delicious snacks throughout the day in
her loosing campaign to fatten Cynthia up. Cynthia is surrounded by family
and friends who love her and she is living in her own home. It could not be
any better, and yet it is just awful.
My heart breaks sometimes when I sit with Cynthia in her confusion; her
frustration so painful to witness. Some days I am unable even to go next
door and sit with her. Molly living in the same house as Cynthia goes on
being our rock.
Looking after Cynthia, as they say, “takes a village”. And luckily, we DO
have a village. Big thanks are due to Paula Singer who came and stayed
with Cynthia for two weeks when we gallivanted off to our Arica Reunion in
Maui. Thanks also are due to Laura Flanagan who came to lend her heart
and hands in Cynthia's care when Molly and Tom went off to England,
leaving Honey with the impossible task of being both herself and Molly at
the same time. It was Laura’s arrival that really saved the day and made
the impossible possible. And a big shout out to awesome Cynthia
Dyer-Bennett for her seemingly never ending stream of post cards.
While we have been exhausted these past ten months with looking after CW
and Sarah, we also worked some good times into our summer. The afore
mentioned Arica Reunion saved and reenergized out lives. Tom, Molly, Sarah
and Honey went off to Maui for two weeks of meditation, lectures,
tropical breezes, ocean swimming, and hanging out with old friends and
new; especially the new. Tom had never been to an Arica Reunion before,
so he had the great pleasure of discovering the transformational
nature of our reunions.
Molly and Tom went off to England shortly after our return from Maui,
where they visited with Tom's daughter Jess, husband Tony and
grandchildren Sam and Ollie. Jack Holmgren , Laura Ramiriz, Susan Clifford
Rayner and Greg Minshall met up with Tom and Molly for a long talked about
“Castles, Pubs and Gardens Tour”.
Cynthia and Honey were VERY GLAD on Molly's return. It had been a hard few
weeks at the Institute. John and Kathy came down to lend a hand, as did
Sarah and Richard Russell. At some point Cynthia began to say “When is
Molly coming home?, I want to see Molly”. We would answer her questions,
but she would not remember she had asked the question, nor would she
remember the answer. And we would go round and round, questions and
answers. We tried SKYPE, but having Molly in the living room on the
computer screen in real time, but not really there in the living room, was
not a help. Finally Kathy made her an advent calendar with seven little
windows and photos of Molly behind each door so she would have a visual
representation of the time left before Molly came home.
And from Sarah:
“Thank you to everyone for sending me love, and for the support and
encouragement in all your e-mails. I feel very loved. The surgery went
well. The surgeon was very happy with the outcome. The artery looked
better than he had expected. They removed most of the first rib on my
right side, and a portion of the second rib. My hospital stay last a
little over two days, and was a haze of doctors, nurses, needles,
medications, visiting friends and short periods of sleep. Home now, and
feeling well cared for and on the mend.”
Post-Op care for Sarah has been very difficult. Leaving the hospital was
very stressful; Sarah had developed an allergic reaction to whatever the
chemical dye is that they apply to your body before surgery to prevent
infection. She was in agonizing discomfort, itching all over. They finally
consented to give her a Benydryl at one point, but on top of all her other
meds this led to delirium, confusion, tears of frustration, waves of
tiredness, etc. The pain seems devastating. “please help me”, she says.
And I think of recent days when Cynthia has been on the living room bed,
plaintifully saying ‘help me, help me”, overwhelmed by confusion.
I have stayed on here on Yerba Buena Island in the San Francisco
Bay, trying to help Sarah get a handle on what is making her so crazy. My
patience gets tried. Tonight I washed her hair while she took a bath. Later
she sat on the floor in front of my chair while we watched TV and I brushed
out her hair. And there it was, that mother-daughter magic, total unity, very
sweet.
Sarah has wonderful friends. Through them I was able to
witness the power and the grace of the “social networking” of the younger
generation. It is pretty interesting to see how they look after each other.
Some of of Sarah’s girlfriends set up a website about Sarah’s insurance/financial
crisis and the response has been, well, mind-blowing. And then in the last few
days, waves of love and support from friends and family who recently read an
update on Sarah’s condition.
The site her friends created for her can be viewed at:
Just home from the city. Sarah doing well enough today that I felt like I could
leave the city and come home. And I need to be done with this letter and send it off.
There were many stories of Cynthia I meant to write about, but not tonight.
As we are moving on to Saturday and the Artist's Studio Tour, with Tom doing
a show in Cynthia's front yard. Never a dull moment.
With Blessings,
HW
You can see where the first and second ribs are fused, leaving not
enough space for the artery.
